


I don't know where I've been (Are you lost without me?)

by orphan_account



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Apologies, Barney is mentioned as well, Bonding, Canon Divergence - Post-Avengers (2012), Clint Barton Needs a Hug, Frosthawk - Freeform, Loki is less of a dick than in canon, M/M, Natasha is only mentioned, Not compliant with Thor 2, Phil is dead I don't care about AoS
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-06
Updated: 2015-01-06
Packaged: 2018-03-06 07:59:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3127055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clint isn't exactly sure why he was here. Of course, he knows why they were here as a team - the nine realms were in danger and Thor had somehow convinced Odin that Loki would be helpful. He still hates Thor and Odin, but Loki hates the threat of death and subjugation more. He'll work with them if it means preserving his pride. But Clint shouldn't be here in the middle of the night - he shouldn't be looking at Loki in a cage, his appearance haggard but healthier than he remembers. He stares into the glass cage, at the demigod that had once taken and played with his mind like putty.</p><p>The gun is in his hand, pointed at Loki through the glass instinctually. The other just looks at him impassively. They both know that the bullet wouldn't be able to reach him; it wouldn't even be able to penetrate the glass fully, but it provides a sort of stability to Clint.</p><p>"You look.... different."</p>
            </blockquote>





	I don't know where I've been (Are you lost without me?)

Clint isn't exactly sure why he was here. Of course, he knows why they were here as a team - the nine realms were in danger and Thor had somehow convinced Odin that Loki would be helpful. He still hates Thor and Odin, but Loki hates the threat of death and subjugation more. He'll work with them if it means preserving his pride. But Clint shouldn't be here in the middle of the night - he shouldn't be looking at Loki in a cage, his appearance haggard but healthier than he remembers. He stares into the glass cage, at the demigod that had once taken and played with his mind like putty.

The gun is in his hand, pointed at Loki through the glass instinctually. The other just looks at him impassively. They both know that the bullet wouldn't be able to reach him; it wouldn't even be able to penetrate the glass fully, but it provides a sort of stability to Clint.

"You look.... different." The words tumble out, breaking the silence. He's not even sure if Loki can hear him through the glass.

Evidently, Loki can hear him, because he responds. "And here you are looking all the same." His voice hasn't changed much, there's a bit of resignation in it, but that's all. Perhaps he's thinking what Clint is - that it's so strange that it's not the other way around, that Loki should've looked the same as Clint changed over time.

The silence comes back, but Clint's gun never wavers.

"I have missed you, you know." Loki's not looking at him anymore, like he's not sure how Clint will react. And to be fair, Clint's not sure how to react either. There's interest and rage, understanding and pain.

"Yeah?" The marksman asks, swallowing his nervousness. He watches as a tiny bit of surprise flickers over Loki's face.

"Put the gun down?" It's so strange to hear a question when he had expected a command or an insult. It's so strange that Loki is giving him a choice. It's so strange to hear the apology in his voice. There's green eyes staring into his, hoping against expectation that Clint will yield.

He hesitates but eventually the gun is returned to his side. "Would you do it again?" It's not as angry as he'd hoped it would sound.

"It was stupid. I acted foolishly. There really was no chance of my winning."

"That's not an answer."

"Yes, I would do it again." It's solemn and final, no joy in the confession.

"Why?"

"Do you believe in fated events? That things will turn out a certain way, Barton?" Curious eyes bore holes in his face. There's no malicious intent as far as Clint can tell. "I am _the_ trickster. I will bend fate to fit my design even if it takes a million tries." He smiles ruefully. "Or at least that is how I thought before."

"You know that's the definition of insanity, right?" That earns him a small huff of laughter.

"As if anyone expected Loki to be sane. A trickster must be unpredictable and capable of anything. It only makes sense that I am this way." His smile is small but proud.

"You said you missed me." Clint finally sits down, right next to the glass wall, right next to Loki. "What'd you mean?"

"I liked your mind." Clint's tensing, ready to draw the gun again. "No, no. Not like that. I mean that I liked knowing you, knowing what made you happy, how after harrowing missions you would take a long bath instead of a shower. I liked how you stayed focused on your targets but were willing to be flexible in order to reach your goal." Loki pauses. "I liked how you surprised me in New York. I liked your sarcastic, uncaring smile as your mate whispered in your ear-"

"Whoa, wait a sec. There's nothin' going on between me and Nat." Clint holds back his laughter (and horror) at the thought. "She's like a sister to me."

"Ah, I misunderstood you then. When you talked about her, it seemed like were describing a lover."

Clint shook his head. "Nah, nothing there. She'd try to kill within the first week."

"Interesting."

They pause and look at each other.

"You know, if you hadn't done it, we could've gotten along." Clint can't justify liking Loki, he can't justify liking Phi- _Coulson's_ murderer, but he can say that he does care a bit. He hates it with every fiber of his being, but it's hard to hate someone that looks so resigned, so defeated. Despite his better judgement, he's willing to offer a shred of forgiveness and kindness towards the Jotunn.

"I would have liked that." Loki breaks eye contact, looking at the wall across from him. "I know it is too much to ask for, but I still enjoy your company and would appreciate your camaraderie."

"We'll see how things go." It's more than Clint should be able to promise, but he gives them both hope with those five small words.

~~~

It's months later, right before what they know will be the final battle, and Clint's still calmer than ever. If they win, the realms are safe until another threat comes along. If they lose, they all die. It's a lot of responsibility and sometimes he wonders if it really is that good of an idea for him to be here. He wants to call Barney, settle their differences and make up for lost time.

"Do you always frown so much?" Loki's soft voice announces his arrival.

"You know me better than most. Answer that question yourself." And he's gone, up into the air ducts, the small areas of safety and comfort.

Loki's voice calls out something else, but it's lost as he makes his way back to his room. Of course, Loki guessed where he was going and is already there waiting for him. His hair has been cropped shorter than Clint remembers it ever being, but it looks good on him. He seems better now. 

"I wish to talk with you, Clint." He stares up at the air duct. "Come down?"

The archer stays silent and Loki sighs. "Very well. I wanted to thank you for forgiving me that day and putting your gun down. I deserved none of your kindness yet you gave it to me. I owe you a debt for that."

"Just don't try to take over Earth again, yeah?"

Loki laughs and it's not chilling. He doesn't feel afraid hearing it anymore. "Is that all I have to do to repay you?"

"Nope. One more thing." It's a risk. He knows it is. But Clint trusts his instincts and his instincts say that it needs to be done, risky or not.

~~~

Hours later, they're standing over a small grave. Eleven letters and two dates are etched into the stone professionally. It's all that's left of Clint's handler now.

"What do you expect me to do?" Loki asks, his voice hushed.

"I want you to apologize for killing him."

"You already-"

"No, talk to him." Loki looks at him like he's insane. Granted, he did just tell him to apologize to a gravestone. "Apologize to him."

"It will not bring him back."

There's a pain in his chest. "Indulge me."

Loki searches his eyes some more before nodding and kneeling down by the grave. He talks and Clint listens, picturing how Phil would look at the two of them now. They stay there like that for twenty minutes before Clint finally speaks.

"He forgives you for killing him."

"Do you?"

He can't. "No. But I've accepted it."

It's the first time that Loki hugs him and he doesn't feel the need to tell him to get off. "I truly am sorry, Clint." He whispers.

"Yeah." It's not really a response, so he hugs Loki back, pressing his head against the trickster's shoulder.

Nothing else happens.

~~~

That night, Clint stays up to shoot targets. He knows Loki's watching him, and knows that Loki knows that as well.

"You stay focused while noticing everything."

 _Thwack._ "Part of the job." He's notching another arrow as Loki approaches him from behind.

"You need to rest." A cold hand is on his shoulder. He lets the arrow fly, right on target as always.

"I need to practice." But he puts the bow down and turns to Loki.

"You are going to exhaust yourself." Loki pulls him close and he can't argue that really. He is tired, and the itching need to lose himself in shooting targets is gone. He leans up and presses a small kiss to the other's lips. When he pulls back, he laughs at the bewildered expression that Loki has.

"See ya, Loki." He slips away as the other processes what just happened.

Clint can never forgive him, but he can accept him and they can move on from there together.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm a bit sad to say that I've moved away from this ship and don't feel anything towards it. This means that the other frosthawk works that I haven't finished are, as of now, abandoned and up for grabs for anyone that is interested in them. Just let me know if you want to write for them.
> 
> Aside from that, this has been sitting on my laptop since April 2013, and I probably published it to tumblr before I remade. I figured this could serve as a token of apology for abandoning the other two that I had.


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